Dear Officer’s Wife – I See You Too.

Dear Officer’s Wife,

I recently wrote a blog that was intended to touch the lives of our police force.  It was intended to make them realize that they weren’t alone and forgotten by the very people that they protect.  I wanted them to know that we see them.  I have spent many of nights thinking about my fellow Law Enforcement families and I have to be honest.  It has been a wide range of emotions.  Some of those nights consisted of me falling asleep with an immeasurable amount of pride in our men and women in uniform.  The other nights consisted of sleepless moments of anxiety and uncertainty.  Last night, as I waded through the responses to “Dear Officer, I See You”, I found myself thinking about you.  I found myself thinking about what it really means to be a police officer’s wife or husband.  And, I think it’s fair to say that the definition of what that means is ever changing.  Nearly 5 years ago, I signed a certificate that would eternally tie me to our police community, and I have to say, the times have changed significantly in that short amount of time.

What is my point?  My point is that I see you, too.  I see that you are hurting right along side your spouse.  I see that your pain is even more transparent because it is blatantly directed at someone you know and love deeply.  I see that you are constantly scanning a room because you know that a split second can change your entire life and you have been taught the importance of knowing your surroundings.  I see you fiercely and loyally defend your blue family on social media.  I see that you are tired of being fearful of wearing anything that identifies you as a police wife because you know the possibility of someone hunting your family is real.  You know that someone would hurt your child to hurt your husband or wife.  I see you as you empty bullets, ear plugs, and latex gloves out of your husband’s uniform as you prepare to wash the blood out of his shirt.  I see you check your phone one thousand times because you’re waiting for that phone call that lets you know that he is okay.  I see you stop when you hear on the news that their has been an officer involved shooting because you hope that someone isn’t about to ring your doorbell in uniform.  We’ve all had that visual.  We’ve all imagined what it would be like to be handed the news that our loved ones aren’t coming home that night; they aren’t ever coming home again.

I see you spending Christmas and Thanksgiving alone.  I see you explain to your child why daddy had to leave her birthday party early because he’s been called to duty.   I see you scouring the comment sections in your local news articles while trying your hardest to not respond to someone else’s misinformed views.  I see you cry after you realize that you were only a half second away from becoming a widow because someone opened fire on a routine wellness check.  I see you watch as a vocal minority demonizes and calls for the death of the people we know; the people we call family.  We do this while knowing that their hearts are golden and their intentions are well placed.  I see you as you know that you will never be able to undo the things that your spouse has seen.

To the wives of fallen officers, I see you the most.  I see you as you say goodbye to your hero.  I see you as you are handed your husbands badge and an American flag folded in the perfect triangle.  I see you wipe the tears from your face as they do one final roll call.  I see your heart shatter as the sound of taps begins to play as you say your final goodbyes.   I see you watch the sea of men and women in blue salute your husband as he is driven away.  I see you wrap your arms around your children as you realize you have the heavy burden of explaining life to them.  You are living our biggest nightmare.  My heart shatters into a million pieces while we all mourn your loss throughout an entire nation.  Your sacrifice is not unnoticed.  Your pain is not unseen.  Your grief is felt by us all.  You are not alone.

My fellow police wives, your courage is admirable.  It is grossly unrecognized by a world who does not understand your sacrifice.  We are all in this together.  We are a family.  We are a unit.   We are connected by a force that cannot be silenced. We all know that any given moment we can become Darren Wilson’s family.  At any given moment, we could be the families of Officer Ramos and Officer Liu.  In fact, I would say that we already are.  I know the heaviness of my heart has felt more burdensome than ever.  I know that yours must feel the same.  With all that being said, I know that the men and women of uniform will not fail us.  I know that their honor far outweighs the disgraceful attack on their characters.  I know that they will fight the good battle as long as there is a war.  I see you, police wife.  I see you because I am you…..and I will be you until my very last breath.  

I love you all.  Thank you for everything.